Wolf
I’ve mentioned gapingvoid in a few prevoius posts on my blog. Most notably my discussion about internal disruption a few months back.
I’ve had these 2 cartoons from gapingvoid on my cube walls at work for maybe 3 years now (reprinted with permission here - I’ll go buy a bottle of Stormhoek when I see it - it was pretty good at our blogging art and wine gathering a few weeks back):
This cartoon kept me going through a couple difficult corporate take overs the past few years. Someday I hope to no longer be mistaken.
And this one seems to sum up many of my attempts at joining groups.
As some astute quilters may have noticed my name is no longer on the list of contributors on the artquiltreview blog. I am working on a longer post to discuss my feelings about this blog and why I left, tentatively titled depth vs. breadth. Still look for my comments over on that blog. I may not be helping edit and run the blog but of course I always have something to say. The folks over there doing the work are a talented group of artists.
For any of you that ventured over to art and perception and followed the recent posts you would have learned that I stepped down as head admin for that group also. It was a job I didn’t want but for reasons that I should learn to overrule I saw a need to step in and so I did.
Actually I attempted to get myself voted off the island at one point when things were turning sour in my personal life but it failed, much to my dismay. I look back now and realize the right thing to do at that time would have been to just quit as I knew I was in no shape to continue. Unfortunately I felt I made a promise and was half way through the job of designing the first template (which I’ve now learned they don’t like and are working to replace asap - I did my best at the time and I’m happy with the results - even if they aren’t) and felt I should fulfill my obligation and complete it.
I’ve since had a disagreement with the owner of that blog about some behavior that I felt was inappropriate on his part (he disagrees and thinks I’m being ridiculous). It’s really rather ugly. While I don’t recommend reading it, the posts to read here… [Update 1/4/2007 - posts are now deleted].
I’m not proud of my behavior. My writing is often misunderstood and taken to be much harsher than I ever intended it. This always confuses me and I have learned to mostly walk away as I know I can’t fix it with more words that will continue to be misunderstood. But for some reason this weekend I lost my mind. I felt cornered and things my personal life have been pretty rough this month and who knows what I was thinking. But I stupidly tried to defend myself and the more I tried the more I screwed it up and the madder everyone got at me and the more cornered I felt. All I can say is I wish my internet would have been down this weekend.
But what’s done is done. It certainly means I have more time for making art and that can never be a bad thing.
My teeth are just too sharp to bleat.
Update - 12/5/06: I received a lot of really wonderful support from many of the folks over on A&P and my readers here and I’m not so down on myself anymore.
While I still think I did wrong, I see that it was maybe unavoidable and it was pretty cool to be thanked for speaking up to bring some things to light. I’m maybe not ready to be proud of those posts, as someone suggested I might be, but I am thinking about them differently.
I was letting the actions of a very few really impact me in a way that was ridiculously out of proportion to the importance of issues. While I’m still licking my wounds and thinking about things, the sense of community that I have experienced today has been wonderful.
Thanks to all of you that reached out.
Another artifact in my cube is a magnet that says:
Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History
Posted by Lisa in: Musings
Brenda said,
December 5, 2006 @ 3:19 am
Wow - there’s a group blogging situation that truly degenerated. That kind of dialogue really saps your energy - even just reading it, let alone being involved in it. I hope you find your personal blog more rewarding because I certainly enjoy the insights you provide.
jafabrit said,
December 5, 2006 @ 7:24 am
Sometimes you just have to take a step back, take a deep breath and let go. I like your blog and will be visiting frequently.
I like the cartoons. I really like the second one, it is excellent.
Olga said,
December 5, 2006 @ 7:43 am
Really boring this: again I agree with you. I got quite excited when I first found A&P through your blog. However, I soon went off it because it is so nit-picky with almost everyone questioning what was meant exactly by this phrase or sentence. There seemed to be very little generosity of spirit, so I no longer bother even to look at it. I get the feeling that too many of the participants have a very clear idea of what they want the blog to be, and yet to have that provided by the others. I quite understand what you mean when you say that every time you wanted to explain yourself it seemed to get worse. Quite rightly, once in a hole you stopped digging.
I love the cartoons, and the second one just sums up how I feel. I sometimes desperately want the company of equals, but then get very picky about what exactly that equality is. I’m always being acused of taking things too seriously, to ‘lighten up’, and when working in publishing was even sometimes accused of trying to be too much like a man because I did not tolerate gossip and endless chat in any office I supervised. So I was definitely thought of as a wolf by some - but remember, wolves live in packs. It’s the big cats that walk alone, and I’m very happy thinking of myself as one of them.
You really seem to have your blog sorted, and I enjoy it very much indeed, even when the subject of a particular post is of no direct interest. I’m at the stage where I prefer to read the blogs of others and from time to time comment. At present I’m going through a patch of not having very much to say other than in reaction to the thoughts of others.
cynthia said,
December 5, 2006 @ 8:44 am
Lisa, I’m sorry to hear of your troubles on the island. I did visit A&P occasionally, but to tell you the truth, a lot of the things being hashed, I’ve already done. Some of the posts were exhausting to read and frankly right now I just can’t be bothered.
I know what you mean about words being misinterpreted. It happens to me all the time. If I respond, I sometimes dig a deeper hole. If we were having a conversation in person, it would be easier to uncover the subtle nuances of each other by observing facial expressions, body language and tone of voice.
But, during this entire time (since you first commented on my blog and was opened to a new world), I have been reading your blog. I may not always comment, but I do read. You have people visiting your blog that have interesting things to say and I am enjoying looking through your links a few at a time.
I think artists can be isolated. I know I feel that way, no one in my immediate circle of friends is an artist. I should clarify…the people that I see day to day. They are professional women or stay at home moms. I feel like I’m about to go off topic right now…but here I go anyway! I have had this idea of the way that I wanted to live my life. What I’m learning is it is not this straight forward path. Yah, it’s taken me 40 years to realize. I am just now coming to the understanding that it’s okay to not walk the same walk that others do and what is “accepted”.
In regards to leaving some groups behind. Maybe they’ve out lived their usefulness to you and you’ve grown in different directions. It’s okay to let these go.
Tracy said,
December 5, 2006 @ 11:47 am
Hi Lisa, I can’t add much to what the others have said. I also got carried away on those threads and wasn’t brave enough about it to post the link on my blog! I am impressed that you are. A good step to take to move forward, I think.
It can be easier yet also very difficult to communicate via the internet. I too, feel that I am often misunderstood and I try to keep that in mind about others. But sometimes I screw that up.
Lesly said,
December 5, 2006 @ 12:56 pm
Lisa, I only just found Art & Perception yesterday (WHERE has she been you might ask) and was interested at first glance. But following up on what you talk about here I don’t think I want to know too much more! For one thing I am not articulate enough to discuss on that level and don’t speak the language, and for another I don’t do ‘group’ very well. Never seem to fit in and never feel accepted.
I too sometimes get carried away and end up in a written tussle with someone … the written word can and often does seem harsher, ruder or more provocative than the writer intended. I end up regretting that I got involved.
And yes it’s difficult to walk a ‘different’ path to those we mix with every day. But I wonder why it is that some people cannot accept ‘difference’ and seem to want to punish us for it in some way? I hate to have to ‘justify’ myself to people (mainly women I might add) who seem to think that I’m a bit peculiar! But then maybe I am.
Anyway I did not mean to write all that … just wanted you to know that your blog is one of the TOP 5 that I love to read. I read them and I wonder at the talent and the wonderful writing, and I learn.
Thank you.
Tricia McKellar said,
December 5, 2006 @ 5:23 pm
Yeah! More art in the Markings series?!?!? :) Can’t wait for the online photos…
Lisa Call said,
December 5, 2006 @ 6:04 pm
Brenda - yes my personal blog is very rewarding - I will definitely keep going here. Totally draining. Sigh.
Jafrabit - thank you - I did a lot of breathing in yoga today and feel much better.
Olga - you have an amazing way with words. I’m always grasping around looking for the right ones and here you have it “very little generosity of spirit”. Thank you. That cartoon either really speaks to people of they don’t get it - it’s been interesting to watch the reaction when people read it in my cube. I’m with you on sometimes having a lot to say and sometimes preferring to just listen and respond to what others have said.
Cynthia - yes - your digression is great - this artist path (and even my life) - it has definitely not turned out as I thought it might. But I have to say it has been a very interesting journey.
Tracy - well yes - I would like to pretend all that didn’t happen but I have to own what is mine and there it is. Moving forward is definitely important.
Lesly - there are some very good people on Art and Perception - so don’t let my issues stop you from looking. Even just reading can be interesting. And thank you - wow - top 5. Thanks.
Tricia - soon - I promise - I need to finish up some structures pieces first. And I hope your opening went well.
Ed Maskevich said,
December 5, 2006 @ 7:49 pm
On my last job I had a magnet on yhe side of my moniter. It was an image of a 1950’s housewife with a glassy stare and a real Pat Nixon smile. the caption read, “More medication, please.” On a good day, being involved in a group is difficult. Polite society says we must a be warm and fuzzy and god forbid that we actually express our true views. My views are like myself, odd and peculiar but they are real and express a diffrent perspective. The older I get the less I care that others will see me as strange. being a devil’s advocate is a role that was created for me and the rest of the wolves.
jafabrit said,
December 5, 2006 @ 9:41 pm
glad the yoga helped. I agree there are some interesting people there, I particularly like Dion’s blog and his entry, but you know I have posted comments several times and it gets rather tiresome being invisible. The nice thing about comments is that there is an interaction, when that doesn’t happen it isn’t appealing to keep coming back and contributing. I ain’t complaining, just stating a fact.
David C said,
December 5, 2006 @ 10:01 pm
Yikes! I hadn’t checked things out over at A&P in awhile… gotta let things boil down a bit and check back later. Interestingly, many of the blogs I follow regularly have a majority of female posters. I’ve never actually counted and calculated ratios though - jeez you guys!
And, knowing a bit about the corporate turmoil you’ve been through, I like your choice of art. Myself, I always had a bottle of Bombay Saphirre in my drawer to compliment the thought-provoking art in my office to help me with the corporate world.
Lisa Call said,
December 5, 2006 @ 10:51 pm
Ed - I need that magnet to add to collection of things that confuse my coworkers! Anytime someone new comes over to my cube they are surprised - real live color - right here in corporate america. I figured you were a wolf based on your wonderful blog. I’m glad you are posting a bit more these days.
jafabit - I know exactly what you mean - and said something a bit like that over there. And today things are going a bit better I think. Awareness is up - I hope it stays that way.
David - so good to see you here. Was it the link to our wine that got you to say something! Work is actually much better now - things have pretty much evened out and we’re so big no one can afford to buy us again so those bad days should be over. I love the new cubes on your website - I don’t think I had seen them before. Can I put the link here? Your watercolors are awesome - amazingly quilt like (course everything looks like a quilt to me).
shan said,
December 6, 2006 @ 8:08 am
Lisa,
This post sucked me into the blogosphere on a day I really don’t have time for it! A & P, and several other art blogs I read, take me back to my art criticism classes in college. Traditional art theory and criticism is, without a doubt, detail-oriented and picky. Arguably it came to life in the U.S. at the height of the ab-ex movement with the critic Clement Greenburg (sp). The ab-ex movement glorified the heroic male artist which I think lends merit to the thesis that the intellectual art crit. structure is essentially more male-oriented.
I rarely comment on blogs of this nature, especially when I know comments are disected or I feel like the comment section has become an intellectual battle of egos (I haven’t read enough A & P posts to know if that happens over there). I don’t want my creative energy to be dumped out in that kind of way–I’d rather put it into the art.
Your blog, Tracy’s blog and a number of other blogs I read fuel and inspire me. Some of the big art blogs, often out of NYC interestingly enough, pull me in with interesting posts. The comments on these blogs, however, often become negative and narcissistic (sp).
That I can l live without.
David C said,
December 6, 2006 @ 1:31 pm
Thanks for posting the pic of your cube - that’s great! Maybe you can help your neighbor in the cube next to you with some color…
I’ve been thinking about making those ArtCubes for awhile. They are solid wood cubes wrapped in canvas with mini watercolors mounted on each face (and then I seal the entire thing with acrylic varnish). Believe it or not, the biggest challenge was getting solid wood cubes that were a true 4×4x4 and 5×5x5 - I finally made them myself. Feel free to link away - thanks!
Claire said,
December 7, 2006 @ 11:27 am
Lisa, looking at your co-worker’s grey and lifeless cubicle next to yours makes me feel really depressed for them!
Lori Witzel said,
December 8, 2006 @ 6:55 pm
A very small comment indeed, compared to the others, but…hang in there, and howl on. I promise there will be lots of us who howl back.
(Sharp teeth…hhmm. You may be an omnivore, not a carnivore — and few “get” the raccoon sense of humor…)
;-)