To Goal or Not to Goal
Colin has an excellent post over photostream about goals and states:
What none of the recent outflow of goal oriented writing ever questions is whether having goals is a good thing. That is, whether getting more done is a good thing…
Excellent thing to ponder and it reminds me of a story a cousin shared during my dad’s memorial service last month.
My dad, who retired early from his job as an electrical engineer at Los Alamos National Laboratory, kept office hours throughout his retirement years, allocating time for all of his different projects through out the day. He accomplished an amazing amount and was very happy with this arrangement.
When his wife was preparing for retirement he told her she needed to think about what she wanted to accomplish and how she wanted to structure her day. He suggested that she should think about it for a few days and then he would help her get organized. She told him she didn’t need to think about it and she already knew what she wanted. She told him that her goal was to have no goals.
They definitely viewed life differently but got along super well and were very supportive of each other. Neither way of living (or any shade in between) is right or wrong and what’s great about both my dad and his wife is they knew what worked for them and just went with it.
I clearly inherited from my dad the goal setting gene. The drive to accomplish much. My dad’s wife called him the energizer bunny and I definitely resemble that behavior.
I spent time with someone that last few years that constantly told me I was stressed out and I needed to relax. He didn’t like all the goals I set. He assumed that just because I was busy I was not relaxed. I stupidly tried to defend myself, which of course never works. If someone doesn’t ‘get’ you no amount of talking tends to change their mind as they’ve already made their judgment.
So I won’t try to defend this way of living here either. You either get it or you think I’m stressed out and do too much also.
I’ve tried to live my life without the lists and the goals and the projects and the plans. When I do, I flounder and do nothing and then get depressed about it and my life feels like it is falling apart. I am far from stress free or relaxed with this happens. Things tend to spiral downwards until I again get back on top of things and start setting goals and "making progress".
So my suggestion to everyone is that if goal setting works for you and accomplishing more is what makes you happy then go for it. If goal setting makes you edgy and nervous then don’t do it. Live the life the way you want to live it and when someone tells you that you are doing it wrong – ignore them.
Turns out I was stressed out – and the stress was a result of having to defend my every choice. Life is a lot more relaxed now that I don’t feel guilty for being who I am.
Posted by Lisa in: Goals and Intention
Tagged: goals
the whole goal thing seems useful at times i can see your dad and your mom’s point of view. Isn’t having a goal just the same thing as wanting something? Reminds me of when someone says they are ‘trying’. You either are or you aren’t.
if you want to get philosophical and esoteric we can’t make anything happen anyhow. i can get just as bogged down by zillions of pieces of paper with to do’s and sometimes it feels best to just be with whatever it is that I want to be doing and follow the monkey chain as i go along.
i liked this post, got me all zenned out in my ‘tude.
I was always an overachiever or a workaholic when I was younger. One day I read a book about workaholics (list makers, goal setters) and saw myself on most of the pages. I was able to drop a lot of the bad habits after recognizing them but I am still a list maker and to some extent, an overachiever, but only in the interests that I choose. I agree it is stressful trying to explain and defend your lifestyle, and you are right they never will understand. Being true to yourself is the only way to go.
Yes! I agree. It’s a personality thing. I love do-nothing days and joyfully embrace them in whenever I can. The down time feels like an essential part of the creative process to me. It’s enough for me to just be.
At the same time… I’m a staunch admirer of your lists and goals.
Hey, Lisa, thanks for helping me hit my technorati goal :-)
Go your own way etc.
I like lists as guidelines for the day, but I don’t stress if it doesn’t get done (it goes on the next days list). It sure is satisfying though to see each item on the list ticked off or at least most of them :)
I am totally with you on not defending one’s choices and with Wanda about being true to one’s self :)
I think it can be stressful to not set goals if you’re the kind of person who needs to achieve. You definitely have a more rigorous way of writing and checking your goals than I do, but I have goals even though I have a more fluid way of dealing with them.
For the past few months, I’ve tried keeping spreadsheets of goals and activities similar to what you’ve suggested, but it really hasn’t worked for me
Last weekend I found a program called OmniFocus this is more fluid and I’m beta-testing it now and really liked it. I’ll probably buy the pre-release sale (launch is in Jan. 08). Also it lead me to the book Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity by David Allen. (this time I can truely recommend the book because I’m on the last chapter and loving it.)
I’ll probably try to write on my blog about it in a few days.
I am totally with you on this. Everyone should be able to live in a way that’s suits him/ her best, with or without goals and not be judged because of it.
I am a very active person myself, can’t sit still. People tend to react negatively to this (“you never relax”, “just sit still for a moment” and so on). Actually, when I am doing something I am relaxed. When my children were small I had to spent hours just watching them or stacking blocks on each other or helping them with the same thing over and over again every day. It drove me up the wall.
Now I only have the two week family holiday to get through. There is no space in the car for much stuff for me to be creative, so there is a lot of just watching the kids do their activities. The whole family comes back home refreshed except for me, I am totally and I mean really totally stressed out from those two weeks, have to get into the attic and make something to unwind and nobody has to get in my way then, that’s dangerous!
PS I am in the Netherlands, it’s half past eleven in the morning over here, not the middle of the night…..
Lisa– good for you! It’s all about being authentic, i.e. to thine own Self be true…
I am all for goals if that is your way to manage your life/work/stuff. What always puzzled me was why people like me without goals were looked at as if there was something wrong with us. I don’t need goals to be productive; I actually seem to work better in the studio without a goal in mind. I’d like to think that not having goals doesn’t make me weird!!! Also, being goal oriented and being organized are two different things. Keeping lists and spreadsheets as some have mentioned is an organizational tool; that’s a logical thing giving you focus. Goals are what you’re striving to achieve, where you want your road to lead you. I prefer to wander “off the beaten path” in that regard…..
Hi Lisa,
This is a great post!! I guess I am one with the goals. My partner thinks I work too hard … or perhaps not hard enough … and you are right … that defending myself and my choices is exhausting.
Things are complicated for me living with a chronic illness. I have had plenty of years when what I could accomplish was meditating and working on myself because that is all I could do. So I want to do when I can!!
Of course, it is (for me) the balance thing also … not getting worse by pushing too hard. But I guess that is the clue … moving with my work or pushing.
And I am also really wanting to leave the earth a better place, so I work very hard to be a good community member.
~ Diane Clancy
http://www.dianeclancy.com/blog
In a book a few years ago–cannot remember which–someone used the term “workaphile”– to refer to a person who thrives on working and getting things done, who gets back energy from accomplishing. When I am “in the flow,” even working with spreadsheets at the gallery is fun. When I feel overwhelmed by the tide of responsibility, I start to feel cheated by time. That’s when, if possible, I take a day to do nothing productive. That can feel really good too. A mini-vacation.
You are so wise, Lisa, to know who you are and what makes you happy and to be just that! You go, girl. And go and go and go… : )
My goals/planning strategy falls somewhere in between your father’s and his wife’s philosophies – just like Goldilocks – not too much, not to little. It seems to work well for me.
Lately, I’ve been flying by the seat of my pants and that stresses me out.
Thank you everyone for your comments on this post. I think you all made a good case for doing things in just about every fashion, from lots of structured goals to few or none. Acceptance for all choices is a wonderful thing.
And thanks for the encouragement.