Lisa Call

Structures #98    ©2008    29" x 30"

Quilt National Non-Acceptance

A few days ago I wrote about shaking self doubt and the impact the economic news was having on me. Upon further reflection I realize that evening’s pity party was also precipitated by the rejection letter I received earlier in the week.

I’ve been accepted into Quilt National 3 times in a row (2003-2007). My artwork was selected for the cover the book one year and I sold 2 of the quilts that have been in this show so it’s always been a great show for me. Some consider it THE art quilt show to be accepted into and I might fall into that camp. I think the hardbound book/catalog printed for each of these shows is one of the more prominent histories of the art quilt movement we have and I’ve been happy to included in that history.

Turns out 2009 was not the year for me to be included.

The Artwork I Entered

I wasn’t planning on entering the show this year because I didn’t have any new work for the show. In the past I had brand new, hot off the press, work that had never been seen and that I thought would be excellent for the show.

This year, with my move, I did not. So I entered 3 pieces that were in my solo show in February: Markings #7, Markings #19 and Markings #22. Although this doesn’t break any of their rather strict rules on what can be accepted it definitely pushed the envelope on what they expected in terms of "fresh work". I didn’t have high expectations I’d get in the show for some reason. The previous 3 years I just knew I’d get in and even knew each year which pieces would be accepted.

It Hooked Me - For a Bit

When the ‘thanks no thanks’ email arrived I wasn’t surprised and just kept on going through my day. Then the emails started - lots of congratulations and repeating to everyone that I did not, as expected, get into the show. At the time it didn’t bother me at all and I am thrilled for many friends and acquaintances that were accepted this year. It’s a wonderful accomplishment.

Still, I have no doubt the events contributed to the little meltdown a few days ago. It finally hooked me. This show didn’t come up that evening in all of my negative thoughts but when I looked back on what might have caused it, I remembered how the week went.

I know my artwork is more than good enough for this show, but when they only accept 8% of the art entered a lot of the great work ends up on the cutting room floor. I didn’t take it personally that I didn’t get in. I think mostly I was just bummed cause it is a great show to be part of.

As I said in my last post - I’m way over it. Just writing about it as I thought it was interesting how these things can come together and get us at times and it’s not always obvious what all the thoughts are really about.

Structures #98

I completed this textile painting in August but only a few days ago did I figure out photography in my new house. So here is the completed picture finally. I have a bunch of in process images and want to create a slideshow to put on youtube showing it’s progression but I don’t know how to do that.

Anyone have suggestions? Free software suggestions preferred. I have a Vista PC - no macs here.

Studio Newsletter

I did, as planned and stated here, email the 3rd edition of my studio newsletter tuesday morning. For those that aren’t subscribers you can read it online here: Lisa Call Studio News - October 2008.

Self Doubts

This afternoon I returned home from a wonderful weekend in the mountains with Jim followed by brunch with some artist friends. It was an excellent weekend. [photo above taken on a beautiful drive we took on saturday].

Not long after returning home I found myself in a less than happy mood full of the type of self doubts that rarely rear their ugly head anymore. Keeping a gratitude journal and focusing on all the positive things in my life the past year has really helped keep me grounded.

But for some reason this afternoon my mind was saying something like this:

Why are you making art? Why not just go to the day job and come home and relax? Making art is a lot of work and what do you have to show for it? Why are you building a studio? Do you really think you deserve a huge new studio in this economy? Why are you making art anyway? What value does it have? Why do you think you can sell it and live off your art? Get real.

etc, etc. I suspect most artists can relate.

I knew I was headed in a bad direction that could bring art production to a halt for the week and possibly the month, if I continued to have this little pity party for myself.

So I took a nap since I lack motivation to do anything else. I woke up in the same mood.

So I called a friend and whined. They were supportive as they could be but I was being annoying and this little pity party wasn’t going to go away after a few nice words. This was my responsibility to end, not someone else.

Score One for My Mind

So I thought to myself: you have been here before and you have 2 choices. Let this win and spend the entire evening/week/month online doing nothing or maybe you could try something different and just get over yourself.

So I went to my studio and just got to work making art. I wandered off after 10 minutes but pulled myself back to the studio after a bit. I was determined that even if I couldn’t shake the feeling I was going to at least get something done.

I was in a pretty pissy mood and had plenty of negative thoughts and it was rough going at first. I tried to think of something I was grateful for and could think of nothing. Eventually I got the focus to interrupt the stream of negativity and reminded myself how much I love to make art and slowly I could bring in other things I was grateful for.

My mantra was "Art is valuable, My art is valuable". I started repeated it over and over again when I caught my mind having a little pity party.

I also asked myself what I was gaining by thinking all these negative thoughts. I can’t say I came up with a good answer for this but I did decide I wasn’t gaining anything I wanted and that helped to put an end to the unpleasantness in my head.

After 3 1/2 hours the positive thoughts won and the self doubt and negative voice was put back in the box as it doesn’t serve me right now. Yay.

I’m really excited about the textile painting I was working on and Home #2 should be done tomorrow and I’ll post a photo of it.